Birth Story! Way Overdue – Way TMI. You’ve been warned. ;)

Because, really, who doesn’t want to read about it?? FYI – birth is a gross process. Just sayin.
Sooo, in my later pregnancy days I had gotten into the habit of staying up late before bed, usually around midnight or 1 am. So on July 15th Nathan being Nathan decided he wanted to go to Parksville beach late at night to attempt to fly his stunt kite in the dark…. yes… you read that right. So we went around 1030 and came home around 1130ish. When we got home I was super hungry, so I told Nathan what the game plan was – I said “Here’s the deal, I’m going to make some French toast, then we’re going to have some sex, then I’m going to bed. That’s what’s up.” He just laughed and said ok… and that’s what happened. So by the time I went to bed, it was about 1 am.

I woke up at exactly 330 am not feeling really well. I wasn’t sure what was up, I just felt off and had some cramping… I thought maybe it was gas cramps or maybe my midnight French toast not sitting well, so I got up and walked around a bit. I noticed after being up for about 10 minutes that the cramps were happening in a regular pattern. So I pulled up the contraction timer app I had put on my phone a few weeks previous (true story – there is such a thing, and it was extremely helpful) and started timing. I continued to walk around the house for a bit to see if they got worse or closer. As per the doctor I wasn’t to go to the hospital until I was having 3 to 4 contractions within a ten minute period or I wasn’t able to talk through them. So with that in mind I just walked and walking around helped because they started to hurt more. I didn’t bother waking Nathan because I figured it would be a long process and at least one of us should have a decent sleep stretch.

Around 5am I started to feel really nauseous so I had some ginger ale, futilely hoping that would calm it down. Nope. I felt like I was going to probably throw up so I got a bowl (because crouching over a toilet at 9 months pregnant just ain’t going to happen.) and sure enough a few minutes later I was throwing up. Now, I’m not exactly quiet when I throw up… I can’t help it, it’s usually coughing and spluttering and gagging sounds… it’s gross. So my throwing up in the living room woke Nathan and he came out to see what was up, he asked if I was ok and I said no, we probably need to head to the hospital soon since it looked like I was in labour. This was followed by us discussing how soon… I didn’t think we’d need to go right away, but definitely soon. Nathan hopped in the shower and I proceeded to pack my last minute items into the hospital bag I already had going. By 6am it was definitely time to go, I couldn’t really talk through my contractions anymore and they were about 2 minutes apart lasting about 30 seconds each.

In true Nathan fashion we are at the front door about to leave, with bags and carseat and he turns to me and says “Do I have time to water the grass?” ….. I think I said “what?!” and he was like “No, probably not hey?” … um, no… no you do not have time to water the grass. Thanks.
So we get to the hospital and I swear to god, Nathan parks literally as far away as possible from the maternity ward. I really don’t think he could have picked a farther spot… and he even knew where it was! I didn’t say anything at the time because I had other things going on obviously, but in my head I thought why are we parking here? Maternity is on the other side of the hospital. Whatever. He did comment as we hiked across the hospital (which took forever because I had to stop every few steps) that he should have parked closer. Yes. Thanks dear.

So we get up to the second floor and walk into the maternity ward and the nurses are at the desk and one comes up and says “what can I do for you?”…. mental eye roll…. What does it look like? I’m in my pajamas, with bed hair, husband in tow with bags….. I’m here for the breakfast buffet… why do you think I’m here??? So I go into an assessment room, I have to put on a gown and pee in a cup. Super fun. Then they check my cervix… also super fun. At that point I was dilated 3-4 cm. They checked us into a room since I met the requisite 3-4 contractions within 10 mins and not really being able to talk through them.

Fun side story – In the assessment room we had this nice nurse doing up my chart or whatever… she had my file already since my dr had sent it over a few weeks prior… and after initially calling me Kayla she then for some reason switched to calling me Rebecca, then Ashley (the first name of my Resident OB) and then back to Rebecca. I didn’t bother saying anything at first because again, I had other things going on. After calling me Rebecca for like the 10th time she then says “So, do you like to be called Rebecca, Becca or Becky?” at which point I was able to say “Actually I like to be called Kayla since that’s my name, thanks”. Cue awkward laughter, many apologies, blah blah blah.

So I get into my room and the nurse talks to me about “pain management”… she said at that point all they really like to do is give a small shot of morphine. I was really hesitant to take it, I had never had morphine before and the only reference I had for it was when my brother was on it when he broke his wrist and he was totally out of it…. But the nurse assured me it was just a really small dose and it would take the edge off the pain which wasn’t too terrible but really uncomfortable. So I took the morphine shot and the nurse suggested that it would feel the best if I got into a hot bath as well… that sounded great so we did that. I think I hung out in the bath for about an hour and it did feel good for a little bit.
About a half hour into my bath the contractions started to feel worse and I felt a lot of pressure. When the nurse came and asked how I was I told her I felt lots of pressure, she was a little surprised because it seemed like I was progressing fast and she then asked if I wanted an epidural. Still thinking that it was going to be a while I said that I did want it. Shortly after that I was brought the paperwork but I knew as I was signing it that it was too late for one and it probably wasn’t going to happen. A few minutes later I said that the bath wasn’t helping anymore and I wanted to get out, the nurse then said it was probably too late for an epidural like I thought.

When I got back into bed I was checked again and I was about 8cm, which is a pretty decent progression after just over an hour. About a half hour later, just after 9 is when the pushing started…. I did that for an hour and a half (which sounds like a long time but literally feels like 10 minutes, I swear). You know what hurts the most?? When they lay you down flat on your back to check your cervix…. Most painful thing of all and so very uncomfortable. Anyways…. near the end Lily’s heart rate was creeping up and they were getting concerned she was in distress, her heart rate shot up to 200 (it should have stayed around the 150 mark) bpm and the Dr wanted to use a vacuum to help us out a little. She showed the vacuum to me and it was very small so I agreed. A few minutes later, little Lily was born at 10:38am.

They put her on my chest, which I have to say was really gross…. They had laid me flat on the bed with my last push so I couldn’t even see her. I put my hand on her for a minute before they took her to clean her and then I had all this gross sticky white vernix and blood on my hand. So then I had to give another little push for the placenta to come out and that was right away… I had read that sometimes this can take up to a half hour or so to happen, but mine was right away. As they were cleaning Lily and doing her tests and things my lady bits got to be assessed as well. I only need 4 stitches and 3 of them were internal so really not so bad. I had to wait a while with my legs up and out because the doctor wanted to page the on-call gyno to come and take a look at one spot that she was unsure whether it needed a stitch or not… the gyno was in surgery so I had to wait about 20 minutes which was kind of lame. So while I waited for the gyno I made my phone calls and texts to friends and family to let everyone know. They asked if I wanted to take the placenta home – pass, no thanks, I’m good. I had to ask about my water breaking because it never actually happened… apparently it was behind the baby, so when the baby came out the water came after her…. I thought that was weird.

So after I got all my stitches and I got to hold her for a bit I was then able to have a shower which felt so good because I was all gross and sweaty. They give you mesh undies when you get out! These things are like mesh bicycle shorts and they give you the biggest pad you’ve ever seen in your life (you know because you’ll still bleed so much you’ll think you need a transfusion)! These pads are pretty much puppy pee pads if you’ve ever seen those… they fold them up in such a way that they’ll fit in the underwear and they pretty much go from your bellybutton to the top of your butt crack and then they give you TWO real menstrual pads to go in there too, these are special maternity ones… think airplane pillows…. X2. They’re enormous… plus they give you an ice pack to go in there.. glorious… it feels amazing. (SIDE NOTE – the padsicles I made – effing amazing. You must make these). So when you finally get out of the bathroom you might as well have on like 3 depends adult diapers… wanna wear those yoga pants? Nope. They also give you a squeeze bottle for you to use when you go to the bathroom… think hand-held bidet.

So I was told that I was able to go home the next day, they prefer you stay 24 hours and while I would have liked to go home that day I figured I should play nice and stay the night. Contrary to popular belief – you will not sleep in the hospital. A nurse comes in every hour to check on you, the beds are tiny and uncomfortable, your baby will be crying because they’re so fresh and aren’t sure why they’re flat on their back in a plastic bassinet. I couldn’t wait to get out. The next morning I was visited by my OB, the resident OB and my family doctor – all three assured me that I was good to go after noon. So I waited to be discharged…. And I waited… then I waited some more. I eventually went out to the nurses station and asked when I could go home – they said “probably tomorrow”…. To which I said “no, no. I was told I could go home today and I would like to do that.” The nurse asked me who my dr was so I rattled off all three names, she then asked me who said I could go home that day and I told her all 3 of them had said so. She looked like a deer in the headlights but she got all her shit together and discharged me fifteen minutes later.

So yah, this was my hospital fun. If you’ve made it this far, good for you! Now you know all the details.



Have you had that baby yet?

http://haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/

Enough said.

Things that are irritating…

Everything.

I’ll make a list of the major offenders.

1) My mother. (Preface this with, I love my mother, I really do)
– We went out together a few days ago. The next day she called me …
Mom: “I noticed how you were sitting when you were driving… aren’t you squished sitting like that?”
Me: “um. no.” (I sit normally while driving… I have no idea what she means)
Mom: “Well I also think that you’re sitting too close to the steering wheel, you should move your chair back because if the airbag goes off it will hit the baby first”
Me: “Mom, it’s fine how it is. If I move my chair back I can’t comfortably use the pedals and also, there’s lot’s of room between baby and the steering wheel. It’s fine. Thanks for this phone call.”

2) Nathan.
– To be more specific… the “Nathan Dictionary”. The ND includes words like “conversate” and “conspiracing” and replaces “desperate” with “destitute”. Seriously, my mind explodes every time one of these pops out, and I don’t want to nag him about it, but seriously.

3) Smug Mothers.
– I think I posted a while back a comical video from youtube called “pregnant women are smug”. No. You know who are smug? Mothers. Mothers with young children. If I turn into this person, I need you to print off this post, highlight this section, roll it up, and slap me with it. I am fine adjusting to the idea that I am about to enter a world in which my eardrums will be pierced with the cries of a screaming baby, where I will be subjected to awkward stranger conversations when I take the baby out of the house and strangers want to coo all over her and put their nasty hands all over her face and where I will be so tired that I will want to curl up into a ball and die for a little peace, quiet and sleep. But I cannot fathom a world in which I will not be able to shower. NO. Listen, you smug mothers, I don’t care what you say… my new world has a shower in it. Not even a long shower, seriously, I can cut it down to 7 minutes, but I will be showered and presentable every day. The baby will not die while I take a shower and maybe even put a little makeup on. You should also know, that by telling me I won’t be showering, you are pretty much ensuring that my stubborn streak will haul my tired post-partum ass into that shower and smear some form of makeup on my face just to spite you. MARK MY WORDS! THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW THAT EVERY DAY I WILL GET OUT OF MY PAJAMAS, SHOWER, DRESS AND PUT SOME MAKEUP ON BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LET 7 POUNDS OF SCREAMING BABY CONTROL MY APPEARANCE!

4) This super cool thing called “pitting edema”
– Since I’m in the last few weeks, I have a lot of swelling and joint pain going on. Like seriously, I can feel every effing joint in my body and they all hurt. Each finger joint hurts because my hands are swollen, knees, hips, toes, ankles… all of it! So, my feet are swollen, which I have been expecting. However, one foot is more swollen than the other, and it has also developed this thing called “pitting edema”. Usually associated with Pre-eclampsia (which I don’t have), it’s where you swell and then if you press your finger into it, it leaves an indentation there. Nice hey?? So, I only have it in one foot though, and it’s making that one foot suuupppperrr sore. Plus it looks gross.

So yah… that’s what’s up. I’m all swollen and cranky and it’s hot out and I’m bored, and I can’t really go anywhere because it hurts when I walk and blah blah blah. First world problems, I know.

Why haven’t I been doing this for years already??

In preparation for the arrival of the fetus I went to the store, bought a shitload of groceries and proceeded to pack my freezer with about 2 weeks worth of dinners (and really, I should do more… but I got tired). I did this because I can see into the future and baby or no baby, I know that Nathan will repeatedly look at me and say the three words that every spouse loves to hear…. what’s for dinner?

I also know that I would probably feel pretty guilty about not making dinner regularly since I’ll be at home and he’ll be working…. I know I’ll have fetus to take care of, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make food… plus Nathan sucks at cooking. Like really badly. Like, he can barely bbq.

So, to save the cost of hiring a lawyer for my spousal abuse case, I am prepping in advance. I spent a little time planning, looking at my regular meals and seeing what could be frozen and turn out well… turns out pretty much everything I make on a regular basis can be frozen to some extent. So I then spent a couple hours in the kitchen chopping, saucing, labeling and bagging meats for the freezer. It really wasn’t that much work and then I was irritated with myself because seriously, I should have been doing this for ages. I mean, how great would it have been to just come home after work, grab a bag out of the freezer and throw it in a pot to cook with whatever side goes with it? Or put it in the slow cooker in the morning?? Seriously, I resolve to do this more often now. It’s genius.

The events that led to early mat leave…

Alright. I’m off work now. It totally sucks… I really wanted to keep working for the last two weeks of June but alas, it was not to be. I think I just worked too hard the previous week. This is gross… you may not want to read this… I’m going to talk about my “pre-term labour” signs the doctor was concerned about. So, about a week prior to my next dr’s appointment I got up in the morning at my usual waking time… turned on the shower and went to pee before I hopped in. I wiped and there was a giant bright red, hey you just got your period, type of blood smear. Cue the instant panic attack. I literally sat there for a good solid minute staring at the offensive toilet paper smear trying to take in what I was seeing. I calmed myself a little and focused myself on little fetus to see if there were any movements. She moves a lot… and she was moving then so I felt instantly better. I took a few deep breaths and decided to hop in the shower anyways and then maybe if I was still bleeding head to the hospital to get checked out. So, I had my shower while trying to rifle through my brain everything I had read about pregnancy and bleeding. I got out of the shower, did a double check…. Only an extremely slight amount of blood showing then. So I felt a little better. I then got online onto the Bump and started searching forums for anything “34-35 weeks and bleeding”. This was extremely reassuring because 99% of the responses and searches that I found was that this bleeding was most likely caused by the cervix dilating. When your cervix dilates it breaks some of the small blood vessels that’s where the blood comes from. Overall, I felt totally fine, fetus was moving and the forums made me feel pretty good that I was fine. At that point I felt like I didn’t need to make a trip to the hospital, that I would just go to work and monitor my nether regions extremely closely throughout the day… which I did. There was a tiny bit of blood throughout the rest of the morning and nothing in the afternoon. I went home and laid on the couch after work.

The following day I lost a good chunk of my mucus plug. It was like a giant brown glob of snot. Nice right??? I then lost more and more of it throughout the next several days. During this time I also struggled a little bit, I started to not feel well, really run down and nauseous. Like that feeling you get when you’ve stayed up way too late and had to get up super early the next morning and you feel like absolute garbage. I felt like that, but I was getting plenty of sleep and fluids. So, anyways, cue the dr appointment and she was not happy with the way I felt or the bleeding or the mucus plug so she decided to do a cervix check and the GBS (Group B Strep – a really fun swab of your vag and rectum…. Yah….)test which normally is done around 36 weeks. I was 2cm dilated and she was very concerned that I would go into labour early and so she said I needed to stop working, rest more and put my feet up and so that’s what’s up. I’m disappointed but I definitely feel better resting.

Padsicles.

Ok, so in preparation for birth, I have seen all over pinterest pins for “Padsicles”. Yes. Padsicles. Be jealous my friends! BE JEALOUS! You will probably bleed from your sore nether regions for a few weeks and the first few days after birth I’ve read feel really great in the lady bits. So, padsicles are supposed to be amazing so of course I made some. You know what’s funny? The look on your husband’s face when you try and explain what padsicles are and when you’ve taken over the kitchen table and spread out giant pads all over it and are pouring a concoction of some sort over them all and then you tell him they’re going in the freezer so don’t touch them or pull them out thinking they’re food. Not food.
Ok, so first, you go to the store and buy giant menstrual pads. Then you get some 100% Aloe gel and some witch hazel. Lay out the pads, coat the part that will be in direct contact with sore lady bits with witch hazel, then coat with a generous dollop of aloe… rewrap and place in the freezer. These are to be used when you get home and should help speed recovery and make your lady parts feel better. I’ll keep you posted on how well those bad boys work.

I have to pee….

The fun parts of pregnancy. Incontinence. Loving it. You may not want to read the rest of this…. Lol. My little fetus has been using my bladder as an exercise toy and as a result I have become slightly incontinent. This has not been fun, because seriously I can’t even feel it when it’s happening. Like not even a little bit… so instead I have to wear pads… pretty much constantly. That sucks.

I Love You, Mom

Let’s see here… what else is fab in the third trimester?? Oh hey! My mother. Let’s talk about that. Now listen, I love my mother to death. She’s amazing. She has done so much for me and Nathan and little fetus, but holy ballz, the woman is driving me nuts. Here are just a few things…
1)Baby Name.
-I totally get why people don’t reveal their baby name. I always thought this was weird when people said they weren’t telling. You will get all kinds of opinions. From everyone. Your mother especially. We have decided to call little fetus Lily McKenzie Lynn Robinson. My mother has a problem with the ‘McKenzie Lynn” part – she wants it to be Lynn McKenzie since Lynn in her middle name. I prefer the first way… McKenzie is also my middle name as well as my grandma’s maiden name… and I’m the mama, so I get to decide. Thanks. I have been hearing about Lynn McKenzie for weeks…. And I’m literally chewing off my tongue every time she brings it up. I don’t want to fight, yes I appreciate everything you’ve done for us… but it’s still McKenzie Lynn, end of story. I don’t care how much it means to you… it means more to me…. MY FETUS, MY DECISION. Seriously, it makes me rage a little more every time it comes up.

2)Weight Loss
-Mom feels the need to remind me, quite a few times now, that I shouldn’t pack my pre pregnancy clothes to the hospital to wear home. I keep reminding her that it would be extremely stupid of me to do so, that I will probably leave the hospital in my pajamas. She feels the need to tell me that she had me, she just thought that immediately her body would go right back to the way it was before and she had trouble adjusting to the idea that she couldn’t wear her pre pregnancy clothes home. My response? I couldn’t help myself , I literally said – well that was pretty stupid of you. Rest assured… I am under zero assumptions that my waist is an elastic band and once the fetus is out it will just go back…. No….I know this. I will probably still look pregnant for a good few weeks at least.

3)Schedule of arrival
-No. I cannot tell you exactly when the baby is coming… I’m due July 23rd…. it’s an approximate date. No. I don’t have an induction scheduled, they don’t do that at this stage unless there are health risks – I have none. I’m sorry if that might interfere with your golf tournament. No, the baby will not be born in August, Drs don’t let you go that overdue anymore (at least mine has said he doesn’t). Yes, I know I was three weeks late… that was almost 27 years ago…. THEY DON’T LET YOU GO THAT LATE ANYMORE. WHY? I’M SORRY, I MISSED THE MATERNITY PORTION OF MY BACHELOR OF ARTS DEGREE. GOOGLE THAT SHIT, MA.

Worst Blogger Ever.

Soooo… I think my last post was around the 24 week mark…. 12 weeks later here we are! Man, I am a bad blogger. Anyways, I can horrify you with all the third trimester glory now! You know you want to hear all about it.
Where I left off last was just before I had my gestational diabetes (GD) test. Everyone has to take this test at least once… if you fail it you get to take it again! The joy is that you go into Lifelabs at some point between your 24th and 26th week…. You will have been told to fast (there is nothing a pregnant lady loves more than fasting!) and then you will be given an orange drink, told you have 5 minutes to drink that shit and then you have to sit there for an hour. So here’s how mine went… I was off on a Monday so that’s when I went in… apparently Lifelabs makes appointments now… I had no idea. Anytime I had been in before it’s always been take a number and we’ll see you when we see you. So I go in around 11 (I slept in, it was my day off), I’m hungry and cranky because I’m hungry, and I’m not even two steps in the door before the lady snaps out at me that they’re really busy and there’s an hour wait. So I say, well that’s fine since I have to sit here for an hour anyways, she looks at my paper and hands me the orange drink in a large paper cup and tells me I have 5 minutes to drink it. Now, there are differing opinions on this drink. It is by far, not the worst drink I’ve had in my life…. If you’ve ever done Isagenix and had that fruity “juice” or “tea” nasty concoction that they give you, let me tell you, I’d rather drink a thousand glasses of GD juice than that isagenix poison. This drink tastes kind of like orange tang, like a really super concentrated Tang…. Like so sweet it’s almost to the point where it tastes salty and burns your mouth. So yah, then you have to sit there…. With strangers… for an hour… while you get all high on sugar. So after I downed my drink, all was good for about a half hour, 40ish minutes and then I started to get anxious and that weird sugar high feeling… plus I was starving… so the last 20 minutes really sucked. Then I had to get stuck with needles so they could draw blood and test sugar levels and all that nonsense. Good times. I booked it to Subway right after for a delish turkey sub….and some Subways cookies.

Turns out, I don’t have GD so all is well.